Thanks for your comment Chefzebra.

I would agree with your baseball reference if we were talking about 2nd grade and younger.  By the time most kids reach 3rd grade and certainly 4th grade, most of the kids understand all of the fouls that all called correctly.  Travelling much of the time is a thing of the past, not always but most of the time.  All kids know that you can't reach in from behind or run into a kid in an attempt to get the ball or stop a player from driving to the basket.  Charging is probably the one and only foul that is not fully understood at this level. However, because this type of contact is not always called, it still happens a lot more than it should.  My point is the obvious contact foul is not always called.  Now I did not say the word "consistent".  Nothing is consistent in basketball.  As far as a contact foul goes lets just assume we know what is and isn't a contact foul.  If we want to discuss that, then lets start a new topic because that is a topic all to itself.

The bottom line from my standpoint is and I really haven't heard a valid argument against, is grade school ball starting in at least 4th grade should be officiated at a level that is more consistent with 9th grade.  If you haven't seen a HS game then go to a couple and you will see the difference.

Papa,
As a father, I share your frustration.  As a coach, I think it's important for calls to be subjective at the rec level of basketball. I'll give you a couple examples; My daughter plays in a rec division and has picked up proper defense techniques quicker than many of the girls. I've noticed she's called for certain fouls that are ignored when committed by other players.  As a father and competitor, this is very frustrating. Despite my frustration, I understand why it's called on her and not called on other players.  Another example that comes to mind is a group of 6th grade girls I've watched practice numerous times. They work hard and enjoy themselves but it's clear they are behind for their age.  After speaking with a parent, I found that most were, in fact, in their first year of basketball.  If the ref's call every violation and foul, the players will have a bad experience and likely never play the game again. 

Ultimately, my opinion is recreational divisions, for all ages,  should focus on development and enjoyment.  This requires leniency in the rules. It's frustrating and I my even be able to attribute a win or loss to 'blown' ref calls but I still believe it's the best approach.  Select divisions should be called more like high school.